Sunday, October 28, 2018

Love and distance

I remember being told that "long distance relationships will never work". That once distance is a factor that people will forget you and will do nothing but break your heart. I argue that this isn't always true. Nothing in this work is ever so black and white. Not every time you are apart from your partner will they stop thinking of you for the sake of another.

I'm sure this I where the fact that I am in a polyamorous relationship would garner cries of "your relationship is different, you don't have the same fears of being forgotten". Which also isn't true. There is large amount of trust that goes into any relationship, distance isn't a factor. Some people do not trust their partner's fancy to stray from their side if they go to the store without them, while others consider a few days apart suspect.

The success of a long distance relationship has more to do with mutual interest in making the relationship succeed and mutual trust between the people in the relationship. In my own experience, I have found that my "close friends" that are telling me that the relationship will fail are the ones trying to make it fail. They are trying to instill fragments of doubt to make me distance myself from the person I am with and make me stray. They come up with cute little sayings to justify cheating on your partner.

"It's not cheating if it's eating."
"It's not cheating if there's another zipcode involved."
"What they don't know, won't hurt them."
"It's just one night, what's the big deal?"

These people are the ones that need to get out of your life. They have no interest in your well-being and are only interested in having sex with you. They are doing it dishonestly by feigning interest in your well-being and feelings. They are instilling doubt to make you make that choice and alleviate them of any responsibility of what they are doing.

"I never forced you to do that."
"You are the one that came onto me."

Being alone and heartsick while someone you love is a world away is a very vulnerable time. You need to be strong and have faith in your relationship. Faith is something you can't touch, it's a feeling. You can't let people fill you with doubt that your relationship won't work. Have faith in your partner and in what you feel.

It's true, some relationships don't always work. Sometimes, it's through outside interference. The strength of your feelings just weren't enough to overcome the challenges of distance and while it might hurt, that's okay too. You have to know what you want out of a relationship. If you need someone nearby that you can spend most of your time with, then a long distance relationship isn't for you.

Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. In a long distance relationship, it's all you have. You have to be willing to initiate contact and keep it going. I remember a time where I wrote physical letters and waited for a phone call at my house because I didn't have a cellphone. Emails weren't an option a few years ago.

I can't open my phone without finding a dozen ways to stay in touch with any one person. Facebook, Twitter, instragram, snapchat, Line, Scout, Discord and all forms of email. There really is little excuse for not being able to stay in touch with someone you care about. There are some circumstances that may be beyond anyone's control, time zones, limited internet access but there are many ways to stay in touch, you just have to be willing to put forth the effort.

As someone in a relationship that has survived time and distance apart before being polyamorous was an option, I know it can work. =) Just don't give up. Send the people you love an email or facebook message or call them, they love hearing from you.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Coming out

Just a quick round of news. The first Entry of the comic is almost complete. The donation drive for Entry 2 is still open so if you want to help make this next issue and have your original character cameo through the issue, now is the time! When this Entry concludes, we'll likely go on a short hiatus to get the next Entry ready and will likely slowly update as the funds filter in. The plan is to have the next issue in full color so funding will make the comic happen faster.

If you are coming here from one of the many dating sites, HI!

For those confused, the next Entry of the comic is focused on meeting someone from a dating application and hooking up. When I originally started this blog years ago, I wrote a review about the dating sites I was using. Since times have changed, I have made some new accounts to click around. I don't have too much free time at the moment so all I can really do is type at people and swipe. But that is a blog for another day!

As a bisexual, I've had to answer the question about why and when I knew I was attracted to women. It's something hard to pinpoint because it's something that I've lived for most of my life. When do most people realize that they find something attractive?

I remember having "boyfriends" when I was 5. My mom thought it was cute when talk turned to marriage hen I was running around after church on Sunday with a little boy that told her he was going to marry me. Back in that age of innocence where kissing was scandalous.

I always found certain women to be pretty. I idolized She-Ra and Jem and the Holograms. The cartoon heroines were beautiful, talented, bold... blonde. I didn't think much of it.

I found my dad's porn stash when I was 9 and I started watching it out of curiosity. I recognized that it wasn't real. I had friends at 8 that were talking about having sex with their boyfriends and... I had a "boyfriend" that was pressuring me to have sex with him. I told my mom how inappropriate it all was. We were too young. I had already experienced Sex-Ed in health class and I knew it was serious business, this sex stuff.

No, this isn't the part where I say I had sex when I was 9. I didn't. I knew I wasn't ready for it. I had faith, I was a "good" girl. Sex before marriage was a big no from my Sunday school teachings.  I wanted to wait. And I did.

I got horribly teased when other girls saw me reading comics and drawing the super heroines there. They accused me of being a lesbian but I didn't understand what they meant.

I was a tomboy and my dad teased me about my combat boots and being a lesbian all through high school.

I was conditioned to considered lesbianism as wrong. It was in the porn, it looked like it was fun. The women were attractive. The men in porn are hit and miss as attractive but the women. Fantasies are interesting. With pornography, you are meant as a male viewer to project yourself onto the male lead or was a bystander in the room during the lesbian scenes. I have heard of some guys talking about imagining themselves as the woman. My thoughts turned that way at times. I imagined myself in the place of the guy.

I had seen things like strap-ons in the hentai comics I found. Cherry and Bondage Fairies were big influences. And I considered their use as I got older.

When I was old enough to start having sex, I had considered myself straight. People kept telling me that being interested in girls was wrong. They keep telling it to me. I had friends that were lesbians and they seemed happy, normal people. My mom got horribly upset when she found out one of my friends was bisexual. There was a level of betrayal in her voice when she talked to me that seemed misplaced.

"You've shared the same bed as her!"

"And we slept. What's the big deal?"

At 23, I came out and told my father I was bisexual. I had to convince him that there was nothing wrong with me. That it was okay, that  I was the same person I ever was. But he thought it was a phase and put that declaration on a shelf somewhere.

Years later, I told my dad that I wanted to introduce him to my girlfriend. It was stanch denial. How could this be? I was straight? How could I be a lesbian if I've slept with guys? I had never slept with women before, right?

It felt good to confront him about it. I was bisexual. There was nothing wrong with me. I could love whomever I wanted and it was not a failing of parenting. I had always been attracted to other women but it wasn't until college that I got to experiment. My friends were supportive of me and I was accepted. It wasn't gross, it was just a thing. It's more than waking up one day and deciding to wear your hair a different way, it was just me.